3 BIG Lies That Women Need to Stop Telling Themselves
As women we often lie to ourselves, we shouldn’t, but lets face it, we freaking do! Sometimes the lies are big. Sometimes the lies are small. Sometimes they’re understandable. Sometimes they’re absolutely absurd. But one thing that all of these lies share is that they are 100% bullshit. Here are the four lies I often heat my clients telling me.
LIE #1: ‘I need to be smaller’
Almost all of us have something that we want to change about our bodies. And nowhere do these insecurities play out more than around food. Did you know that 3 out of 4 women eat, think and behave abnormally around food?! It’s the ultimate frenemy – both the source of the problem, and the best form of comfort.
There’s an entire billion dollar industry built on the ‘I need to be smaller’ lie that we tell ourselves – the diet industry. It’s an industry that plays on our insecurities – it tells us we’re not quite good enough, and then sells us something to fix the problem - detox diet, protein shakes, 30 day diet plans etc. But, NEWSFLASH - these things don’t help us lead a healthy life! In fact, it can do more harm than good!
Yes, you can lead a healthier lifestyle but you’re focus doesn’t always have to be to shrink yourself. Don’t buy into another diet!
THE TRUTH: You don’t have to lose weight to love yourself
You don’t. Thin supermodels and Instagram fitness influencers have shown that even they can take an imperfect photo, so comparing yourself to what you see online and in the media is pointless. You don’t have to lose weight to love yourself. You simply must learn to love what you see in the mirror. Start by focusing on the features of your body that you do love and be grateful for all the things your body allows you to do. In time you’ll see your body as the uniquely stunning thing that it is! Trust me, I’ve been there. I used to diet all the damn time in my early 20’s, when I saw the number creep up on the scale - I started to insult myself. Now I am heavier than I was back then but I sure think I am sexier :)
LIE #2: 'The sexy spark is gone in my relationship'.
Maybe you’re in a long-term relationship. Maybe you’re married. Perhaps you have children. Your career could be beginning to seriously build. Whatever the case, you fall into bed at the end of a day and you don’t quite feel up to getting intimate. You know all of your partner’s moves anyway, and he knows yours. There is absolutely nothing romantic, there is no mystery. I’ve been there too. I have been married for 5 years - and let me tell you, there were time I thought the spark had faded.
THE TRUTH: If you and your partner are committed, your relationship can be as steamy as ever.
We all tend to fall into routine. The trick is to not let this routine stretch as far as the bedroom. The first thing to recognize is that this isn’t your responsibility alone – it’s both yours and your partner’s, and requires commitment from both parties! Secondly, neither of you should assume that you know everything about each other’s needs and wants. People change, wants change, life changes — if you assume you know everything about your partner, you kill the romance. Instead, always take time to get to know your partner. Talk about the things you haven’t talked about. Talk about sex, totally devoid of judgment. Get to know each other again, but in a more intimate and open way. Do you even know your partners fantasies? Make a list and share with each other - and make a promise to cross them all off by the end of the year!
LIE #3: ‘I need to be doing more’
Sleep when you’re dead. Never stop hustling. Today’s world asks us to do more, see more and be more. Up early for exercise. Catch-ups during the weeknights. Weekends full of activity. Meditation every morning. Rise and grind!
Pushing yourself to use every single minute of the day is almost seen as a badge of honor. Saying you’re tired almost translates to laziness on social media. It seems like everyone is “getting it done”. If everybody’s doing it, you should too, right?
THE TRUTH: By always wanting more, you miss out on the amazingness of now.
You need time to stop and reflect. You need work/life balance. You need to realize that both you and your efforts are enough. Constantly chasing the mirage that you see as success will have life passing you by. Feelings of contentment will give way to feelings of inadequacy. There’ll be no time to smell the roses, and realize just how amazing life is at any given moment. The cure is simple: put time aside for you.
Also, when is the last time you actually sat down and thought about what you're really chasing? Success can be reading all the best-sellers, raising a happy child, writing a book - define your success, don't let the hustle definite it for you.